I Really Don’t Like Dangerous Situations

I am not attracted to dangerous situations. Last week there was the brief discussion of July 4th plans, my friend just casually suggested that he knew a great viewpoint for watching the fireworks. That sounds really cool and ok. I think the fireworks are pretty anticlimactic but due to social pressure I always watch them. So we asked him for more details and he described the place, a rooftop, that you climb to and then you watch the fireworks. I fucking hate climbing things. I’m not good at it, I look really bad doing it, and I don’t enjoy it. If I do make it up without dying, I dread the whole process of getting down and can’t enjoy a good view and feel kind of shaky and I bruise so easily. So I have been secretly dreading this all week, hoping our plans would change just enough that we decide to just walk to the top of a hill instead. Things didn’t change and I had to face the reality of my fourth of July. I really don’t like climbing things. We started drinking and I started drinking even more because the anticipation was overwhelming. I became so whiny and complainy that my friend’s mom who was making dinner asked if I wanted to watch the fireworks with her on an overpass instead. That sounded so nice and I am an old soul, I don’t fit into my generation and I started to wholeheartedly believe I should spend the evening with a women twice my age (which wouldn’t even be that bad because she is really a wonderful woman and I am clearly no longer able to relate to people my age). Regardless she gave me her phone number so that I could text her in case I panicked and wanted to meet up.

We leave and I keep drinking to try and ease the pain and would almost rather risk death by being drunk then having to yet again face a climbing situation. I am literally consuming any altering substance, smoking cigarettes etc. It is horrible that I have to prepare for the least exciting moment in my life. My children will hear this story only because I want them to know that it is ok to NOT  be attracted to dangerous situations (I use this wording because that is a question on OKCupid that I spend a lot of time thinking about it because every guy answers that “yes, they are attracted to dangerous situations” and I am just not and this is often a point of contention with myself). So I fucking climb and it is fine and I survive because I am a beached whale when I climb. Instead of actually using my extremities to help gracefully lift myself onto a stable surface I just throw my entire body onto said surface and grip and then just try and role to the appropriate area in order to stay alive. And I have so many bruises now. I look pretty bad. Then my night ended by putting at least 20 temporary tattoos on my right thigh.

 

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

One response to “I Really Don’t Like Dangerous Situations

  1. Emma Faye

    Jane, this is the best part. “My children will hear this story only because I want them to know that it is ok to NOT be attracted to dangerous situations (I use this wording because that is a question on OKCupid that I spend a lot of time thinking about it because every guy answers that “yes, they are attracted to dangerous situations” and I am just not and this is often a point of contention with myself)

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s