Kurt Vonnegut is Ruining My Life

Being back in a city throws you into the arms of the pretentious urban people and their arms aren’t warm or relatable. Especially the men. I refuse to generalize and this doesn’t apply to everyone but I have had conversations with enough guys to realize that Kurt Vonnegut is ruining my life. Last night I drank alcohol and was with friends and there was a person there who I had met before. When we met before there was a lack of engagement. Most of his time was spent speaking to my friend about Vonnegut and reiterating points that she was making about his books yet taking credit for them. Anyways I was pretty bored because I couldn’t include myself because I have never read anything of his and this makes me feel excluded and maybe not interesting enough or good looking enough. And fuck, I am only human, I just want everyone to effortlessly pay attention to me all the time so that I can nonchalantly tell them about all of the interesting things I force myself to read. My immediate reaction to the one-sided conversation was to dislike this person. And he made some comments about not liking butts that were TOO BIG which was just wayyy too personal and made me immediately uncomfortable. It turns out he was blacked out but I didn’t know and the next time I saw him out he simply had no fucking idea who I was and I definitely remembered him.

Ok so then last night I was drinking with friends and we crossed paths in a park and I was just being a baby because I do that when I drink and he was wearing a fucking Slaughter House Five shirt and I don’t really remember how we got into it but I just kept pushing him about his idol. Instead claiming that I just wanted “The Female Perspective” which probably has no relation to Vonnegut and my friends insist he is no woman-hater and really had no connection to the conversation. Then I proceeded to list contemporary women writers like a really really pretentious drunk person who actually has nothing concrete or relevant to say in their arguments. So, you know, I wake up feeling really stupid about that because what I was trying to do was assert myself as an intelligent woman and instead creating points that were extremely emotionally charged and completely irrelevant. But now I see this as a beautiful BEAUTIFUL anecdote that describes the female condition. The amount of times I have had conversations with a guy where he brags to me about all the greatest authors of social and cultural critiques are a lot (or well probably more like 5-10 but I am sensitive so I remember each one very well). This is why it is so genuinely difficult to meet someone where you feel like they might even be 30% interested in what you have to say and who you are but I do generally feel like I put forward at least 50% and this is accidental but as a woman I kind of let them talk down to me and they attack me if I call them out on their shit and I really think this is the position that women are in today.

Also, I accidentally thought Vonnegut wrote Catch 22…


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